Loneliness

My male owner left for a few days recently and I got to observe my female owner alone for a few days. That got me thinking: do animals and humans feel loneliness the same way?

I don't think so! 

She seemed to miss him a lot (and called him all the time and texted and so on) but she also seemed happy to be alone, to be spending time just by herself staring at the ceiling. Granted, I stare at the ceiling all the time (or at the floor, depending on my position) but I always, always prefer to do that in the company of a human. 

Let me put it this way: DOGS NEVER EVER WANT TO BE ALONE.

The minute the door shuts, we are already imagining you coming back. Sometimes you do, but it's only because you forgot your keys or something. Then you leave again and time stops. I don't care how many pretty birds are singing or who walks by outside, we just want you back. 

And that's despite the fact that I'm from Brooklyn i.e. tough. 

The Dreaded Word: Vacation

One of the things I wanted to do in creating this blog, was to help humans understand canines better. I know we've been "man's best friend" for ages (and woman's) and a lot of you believe we give you unconditional love (and we do, sometimes). 

Still, a lot of you have settled into this really typical human pattern of "I'm the boss and I train you to fit my life". Fine. Dogs don't have weird egos that get in the way of deciding where I'm gonna pee today. Nevertheless, humans could use a little help when it comes to understanding us and that is what I write about here. Mostly. 

So about two weeks ago, this word VACATION started being thrown around the house. I ignore it for a bit because this is a favorite word of all humans, something they like to spend a lot of time thinking about and discussing even if it ends up not happening. Meanwhile, I'm thinking: vacation from what? You have a beautiful house; lots of food; nice walks. Wadda you gotta go anywhere else for? 

But go they did. Miss KnowItAll (my female owner) gives me lots of kisses and tells me she loves me before they leave, which is all well and good but HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM when they are so far away????

Do you realize the amount of anxiety having your owners in some other location for a week produces? The scenarios you come up with? What if they never come back? What if they eat bad fish and you can't sniff it out for them before? What if they drown and I'm not around to rescue them? What if a raccoon infiltrates the kitchen? (http://www.fuckedinparkslope.com/home/attack-of-the-raccoons.html)

I couldn't live with that sort of guilt. 

So despite the fact that they usually ask their lovely friend Hannah to come stay with me, I always have a miserable time. It's not about her. I love that girl. Known her since she was like 12, I think. And she loves this old mutt and takes care of me but it's next to impossible to try to enjoy her company when I'm imagining them petting another dog somewhere in an exotic island. Do you know how good those dogs are at feigning homelessness?

Okay, so the obvious question is why don't they take me with, right?

To begin with, Hayes don't fly. I'm from Brooklyn. I got on one of those plane things once and once only. It almost gave me a heart attack and I don't want to ever repeat it again. I think my owners realized that when they saw the amount of hair I'd lost during the so-called flight.

So there's that. But I have been taken on vacation a few times by them. The trip is always the nicest. Singing in the car, listening to the news, frequent pit stops, a bit of prosciutto here and there... Not bad. But then when we get to the place it's back to hard for me. As I've outlined before we dogs have a lot of jobs and they only get multiplied when humans are "on vacation".

I mean one of the first times they took me with, do you know what I smelled right away? BEARS. I mean, bears! Who in their right mind wants to go camping where bears live? And who do you think had to warn them every time I smelled one? And then who do you think got yelled at for barking too much?

Vacation, smhacation. It's a lose lose for us dogs. 

Tough Week

I haven't been posting more often because it can be hard to find the time. I know, I know. Humans think all we do is lie around the cold floor and dream about chasing squirrels, but the truth is we're doing more than that. Thinking, for one. Planning, for two. And of course, guarding. Always guarding. Something humans seem to disregard altogether. They just go about their lives merrily, with their locks and funny keys, thinking that solves everything. But you know who takes care of things when someone breaks in? You guessed it. The dog.

The real hard part of keeping this blog going is finding a moment when I'm alone so I can write. See, if my owners knew I was writing this, they'd have a fit. They'd probably put me in therapy. That's why I won't give you too much information about them. Suffice it to say they both mostly work at home, so it's hard for me to steal time away in one of their computers and type this stuff, ya know?

The best time is usually when they're doing it, cause I could be in their fridge eating all their bacon and they wouldn't care. Well, they'd get mad afterwards.

Humans and dogs... Can't live with each other. Can't live without each other. I love the bastards but they drive me crazy. Like for example, how does it make sense that we're not allowed in banks??? I mean food stores, restaurants, I get it. We have a tendency to go crazy around stuff that smells good. But banks? What are you afraid we'll hold 'em up?

I know I complain a lot but whadda ya want? I'm from Brooklyn!